Running with OCD: remember to look up

“The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena” –Theodore Roosevelt 

I always looked down when I ran. It enabled me to focus better and control the agony of long-distance running. When I trained and competed, my varsity cross-country coach, Paula Schnurr, always emphasized the importance of looking up.

She repeatedly told me to look up and look forward. I realized later that this lesson applied both on and off the track. In Grade 9, I was diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive disorder, commonly known as OCD. I was overwhelmed with distressing and intrusive thoughts, compulsions and the inability to stay present in my day-to-day life.

During the summer of 2020, I decided to attend a six-week intensive OCD course. This course was designed to help individuals develop the strategies and tools needed to accept and manage OCD symptoms. During these sessions, I learned how to control my compulsions and be at peace with distressing thoughts without reacting to them. However, when these sessions were completed, I fell back into old, familiar patterns, due to lack of maintenance.

This led to a sense of helplessness, loss and anger. In July 2022, I went out for a run in my hometown in southern Ontario. While running, I suddenly was aware that instead of looking down, I was instinctively looking up. I had not done this since my last cross-country race, three years ago. At that very moment, I realized something that I had never appreciated in the past.

My life did not drastically change at that moment, nor did I develop a cure for OCD or make the Olympic team. However, I realized I had to approach my OCD tendencies as Paula told me to approach running–look up, embrace the pain and keep moving forward. If you or someone you know has OCD, I’ll leave you with this. When a distressing thought comes to the forefront of your mind, look at it like you would “look up” during a run.

Face it, embrace it and allow it to move through you. In a race, you endeavour not to stop running. I am no longer stopping for my thoughts, nor am I giving any more energy to them. Paula was an instrumental person and coach in my life during my years at university. She continues to support me on and off the course. 

To those of you who find yourself in the arena of mental illness, I see you. Keep looking up, and keep looking forward. The credit belongs to you.

posted Sunday December 4th
by Running Magazine