Putting yourself out there and meeting people doesn’t get any easier the older you get (in fact, it can be harder the further you get into adulthood), but continuing to make new friends and maintain personal relationships is crucial to your overall health and well-being. And luckily, your local running group is an excellent resource for growing your social circle.
We asked experts—a sports psychologist and running group leaders—to weigh in on breaking the ice, making connections, and going from “running friends” to “real friends.” Whether you’ve yet to make your running group debut or have been attending a meet-up regularly and still feel like an outsider, read on for practical advice on how to make friends as an adult and learn why it’s so beneficial to do so.
The Benefits of Making Friends as an Adult
Research shows that starting around age 25, most peoples’ friendships begin to thin out as they move away from student life and toward adulthood and all of its responsibilities. There’s no longer a revolving door of young people who are eager to connect with their peers, folks move away for jobs and new opportunities, and those hours of previously unstructured time between classes, parties, and casual get-togethers get gobbled up by work, intimate relationships, and family obligations.
Simply put, we’re all busy, and plans with friends are often the first to get canceled when schedules are tight. But, studies show we may not have our priorities straight.
According to a recent research summary published in Annual Review of Public Health, evidence shows an association between lack of social connections and poorer health. “This evidence spans a range of physical and mental health outcomes, has been replicated across different populations and contexts, is independent of a range of potentially confounding factors, and demonstrates that the magnitude of effect rivals other risk factors for health and mortality,” the study reads. In other words, loneliness and isolation can make us sick and shorten our lives.
“The really fundamental feature of what keeps people happy and healthy and creates longevity is relationships,” says Jonathan Fader, Ph.D., a clinical and performance psychologist. But the reality is that some relationships last and others don’t, he says, which is why it’s a good idea to seek out new friendships while continuing to nurture existing ones. “If you think about your relationships as farmland, it just makes sense to keep planting,” he says.
Fader notes that most adults make friends through work and school because, in both environments, you engage in repeated activities with the same people. “So when you think about applying that to something like a running group, it really makes sense that you could make long-term friends that would not only have an impact on the activity of running but on the overall general wellbeing of your life,” he says.
The Advantages of Having Runners as Friends
While we wouldn’t say runners necessarily make better friends than anyone else, there are some unique, running-specific benefits to adding a few runners to your inner circle.
Crystal Cun, president of Prospect Park Track Club in Brooklyn, New York, puts accountability at the top of the list. “It’s having other people to motivate you to get out the door,” she says. “It’s knowing that when it is cold and dark in the winter, you have people waiting in the park for you to go running.” Even if you may be willing to let your training slide, you’re probably less inclined to disappoint a friend. The result is more consistent, year-round training.
The support only runners can provide to other runners is also a huge boon, says Roberto Mandje, head of training at New York Road Runners in New York City. Anyone who’s been training for a while knows first-hand that, in between PRs and moments of triumph, there are plenty of crappy workouts, races that suck, and injuries.
“If you’re training alone, you’re just one of one,” Mandje says. “But if you’re struggling in your training, you hit a rough patch or rough week, the fact that you have some of your running friends in the group that are going to be able to put their proverbial arm around you, or maybe even their literal arm, and say, ‘Hey, come on, we can do this,’ can make you realize that you’re not out there alone.”
If you want guidance and practical running advice, there’s no better source than a trusted running friend. “There’s the knowledge base and the support of having all these runners around you who can share tips on training and cross-training and injury prevention. And you can talk about shoes and gear with them, and they can give you recommendations,” Cun says. “And it’s unfiltered, unbiased opinions, unlike anything you can find on the internet. And that is super, super valuable.”
Tips for Making Friends Through Your Running Group
Anyone who’s ever run with a group knows it’s easy (and perfectly acceptable) to just show up, put in the miles, and then head home. So, how do you transition from fellow runner to friendly acquaintance to friend? Our experts count the ways:
First, find the right group
Some running groups are more conducive to making friends than others. “I think it’s usually evident on a club’s website or social media feed,” Cun says.
She recommends paying attention to the tone—is it friendly, relaxed, and welcoming? Do they program social events outside of running? Do they make it easy for new members to join? If a group is more competitive, you’ll probably be able to tell. And if not, it’s worth an email to the group leader to get clarity on the group’s goal and a sense of the social interactions between members.
Cun notes that an active social media presence can also be a good sign, as members can easily use tools like Facebook groups and Discord to connect offline and between in-person meet-ups.
Share your goals
As a new member, sharing your running goals with others can be intimidating, as it demands a certain amount of vulnerability. But if there’s an opportunity to open up—perhaps during those circle introductions—Mandje encourages new runners to put it all out there.
“People are going to gravitate toward that because they want to be supportive,” Mandje says. “Obviously, if you don’t want to, you don’t have to. But the more you keep to yourself, the harder it’s going to be to have people invest in you and even open up to you because maybe they don’t want to intrude.”
Leave your ego at home
Confidence is attractive, but an inflated ego is a turn-off. Bragging about your accomplishments or redirecting every conversation back to your training will get old fast for other members. “Be aware that you’re in a group setting, and it’s not always about you; it’s about the group,” Mandje says.
Also, don’t race people during group runs. “I’ve seen people come to group workouts and look around and be like, ‘You’re my competition today.’ They won’t come out and say it that overtly, but you start to see workouts that are getting a bit more competitive than they should be,” Mandje says. “That can be one way to alienate people because people come to feel supported, get a run in, and feel good about themselves.”
Lead with curiosity
This tip applies to all kinds of social settings, not just group runs, Fader explains. “Be curious. What is something you want to learn about the other person?” he says. For example, are they training for a race? When and where do they do their long runs? How do they like their shoes? Asking these easy, low-stakes questions can help you establish an initial rapport that you can build on over time.
“After a certain number of miles, you have to stop talking about running because there’s nothing left to talk about,” Cun says. “You have to move beyond that to other topics. Like, what is your family like? What are you doing this weekend? What are your plans for the holidays?”
Plan around group runs
Once you’ve become friendly with a few fellow runners, try suggesting a postrun activity. Grabbing a coffee or a beer and chatting for an hour is a low-commitment ask, and making the outing a group activity takes off even more of the pressure. You can approach a few people the day of the run.
Or, if your group has a social media presence, you can post something like, “Anyone interested in grabbing a drink on Saturday?” a few days in advance.
If it doesn’t work out, try not to take it personally. “The reason this is hard is because people fear rejection,” Fader says. “So what if someone says no? You’re not made of sand or salt. You’re not going to melt. The bigger issue is not how you do it. It’s realizing it’s okay if someone says no.”
Volunteer at events
“If your running club has volunteer opportunities, I think that is a great way to meet people,” Cun says. Whether you’re handing out bibs, serving as a race marshal, or setting up start and finish lines, there’s bound to be some standing-around time during which you can chat with fellow volunteers. “It’s another way to get to know people, and it doesn’t necessarily have to be the people who are running the exact same pace as you,” Cun adds.
Pace yourself
For a more introverted runner, just showing up to a running group may be a big step outside of their comfort zone—and that’s okay. Not everyone is comfortable opening up to people immediately, and even if it takes a few runs to have a conversation with someone, that’s a win. “I think being authentic to who you are is part of that runner journey, and you shouldn’t pretend to be something you’re not,” Mandje says.
Keep showing up
“To get to the running friend level, you need to run together consistently,” Cun says. Rather than treating group runs like one-off events or drop-in workouts, think about how they factor into your overall training plan and commit to attending the same ones every week. As you get to know your fellow runners week after week, they’ll also see that you’re dependable, which is an important quality in any friend.
